Peace

[71degrees]

After a few beers, the game, and a couple laughs at the bar,
the boys and I like to head down to the pond for some midnight shinny.
 
Beneath a black sky and some old flood lights,
we fight over rubber with wooden sticks in falling snow,
warmed by the thoughtless sweat of war.

Like the snow for insulation but the ice for hardness. Like the laughs and the war. Cold and warmed.

Get rid even more of the extraneous words (e.g. at the bar, down, like to). You also use "a" or "the" EIGHT times (that's 15%) of the total words used here. Too much for a shorty.

Nice thoughts here. Reminds me of the beginning of the Deer Hunter a bit.

71degrees