01-29-2015, 08:38 AM
Thanks Ellajam, Thanks for your feedback. This is and old poem of mine. At the time I was kind of aiming for what I call bush poetry, the only kind I knew. This sort of sound, though not as funny. (If your not Aussie you might struggle with some words in it). A bit of fun. http://youtu.be/2kpjnGWPmj0
Do you think I should rearrange the lines in the fashion that you put them? I agree with the convey line, I changed that at the last second after reading lots of others comments about other poems on word repetition. I did have "I'll bring her round later today" but that made two todays close to each other.
I will keep the want/cunt though, as the language and the accent are totally the two real life feuding characters that inspired me (minus the murder of course). Small town, rural, industrial Aussie bogan.
I will have to think about some ay words as I'm getting about today. Cheers
Do you think I should rearrange the lines in the fashion that you put them? I agree with the convey line, I changed that at the last second after reading lots of others comments about other poems on word repetition. I did have "I'll bring her round later today" but that made two todays close to each other.
I will keep the want/cunt though, as the language and the accent are totally the two real life feuding characters that inspired me (minus the murder of course). Small town, rural, industrial Aussie bogan.
I will have to think about some ay words as I'm getting about today. Cheers