On Break

On Break

Rustymetal Offline

Junior Member

Posts: 16
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2015

#11

01-28-2015, 05:13 PM

Apprentice chef? I like the second stanza, it seems to tell a story much more than the first. I think you could go a bit longer and tell more of the story. I also agree with some others about the first two lines, I think they could be condensed a little. I enjoyed this.

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Messages In This Thread

On Break - by kindofahippy - 02-20-2014, 02:41 AM

RE: On Break - by rowens - 02-20-2014, 06:37 AM

RE: On Break - by fresample - 02-21-2014, 08:05 AM

RE: On Break - by justcloudy - 02-21-2014, 08:08 AM

RE: On Break - by MadisonDiem - 02-21-2014, 10:27 AM

RE: On Break - by Iowa - 02-25-2014, 11:07 AM

RE: On Break - by tmonfort - 02-27-2014, 09:39 AM

RE: On Break - by cfgorman - 03-02-2014, 05:37 AM

RE: On Break - by ralex003 - 04-25-2014, 09:51 AM

RE: On Break - by Willpark - 04-28-2014, 11:21 AM

RE: On Break - by Rustymetal - 01-28-2015, 05:13 PM

RE: On Break - by Brenkin - 01-29-2015, 01:54 AM

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