01-25-2015, 12:16 PM
River, thank you so much for your thorough critique. You've given me some very solid ideas to take into an edit. I'll review with your suggestions in mind and see where it leads.
On "achievements, escapades, sweet love affairs...", I understand that the line needs at a minimum to be reworked, but I like the musings of what his future could be if we are lucky and the child comes through well. I'm wondering if it is a list you dislike or just this list.
I was surprised at " It's like, for the whole of the poem, you talk of the delights and whatnot of having a new babe". Again, I'll review the poem with your read in mind.
As far as following Shakespeare's model, I don't think that would matter if the poem was successful on its own.
Again, thanks for the read and your time, I'm sure your critique will help me try to take hold of this.
On "achievements, escapades, sweet love affairs...", I understand that the line needs at a minimum to be reworked, but I like the musings of what his future could be if we are lucky and the child comes through well. I'm wondering if it is a list you dislike or just this list.
I was surprised at " It's like, for the whole of the poem, you talk of the delights and whatnot of having a new babe". Again, I'll review the poem with your read in mind.
As far as following Shakespeare's model, I don't think that would matter if the poem was successful on its own.
Again, thanks for the read and your time, I'm sure your critique will help me try to take hold of this.
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