If the Colonization of the New World were to Happen Today

[Erthona]

 
If the Colonization of the New World were to Happen Today
              Dedicated to mel and Nathanael Greene
 
 
The King said, “I’m sorry I cannot allow you to go to the New world.”
 
“Why not Your Majesty,” asked the would be settlers?
 
“Why it is much to risky. You will need to wait until the government
has time to build an infrastructure which unfortunately make take
some time as I have no money to dedicate to that project.”
 
“But we were counting on the indigenous people to help us out.”
 
“Oh posh, my good and courageous friends. Why in the world
would these people have reason to help you out to take away
their land and even more, what right do you have to take it?
No you will have to wait until the government can reach a
settlement for a portion of their land on which you can live.”
 
“But we were planning on living with them, not taking their land.”
 
“No my divisive little friends, you are unable to live with
your “own kind” why should I believe that you could live
in peace with these native people without eventually
resorting to using our superior weaponry to wipe them
out and take their land.”
 
“But we would not do that!”
 
“How can I know that for sure? No, I cannot take the risk,
I mean what “if” something should happen, the rest of the
world would think we were barbaric imperialist,
and they would be correct. No, I’m sorry I simply can’t risk it!”   
 
“But…”
 
“Request denied. Should you wish to file an appeal please fill out
forms BO1812, AR1976, ABE1865, and IRS1040 long form.
All forms must be in triplicate and all appeals points must be
submitted in the correct LSA format with at least three
verifiable and worthy references for each point made.
You will have exactly one week to file your appeal.
You will receive notice if all aspects of your appeal
are in the correct format according to pages 1816w-1927d
of the appeals law subsection B2. If everything is deemed correct,
you will be set to appear before the King within five(5) years
depending on availability. Should your appeal fail,
half of your crops will be taken in the form of taxes
to recompensate the government for wasting the King’s time.”
 
“But you are already taking half of our crops, that would leave us with nothing.”
 
“And so you should consider your appeal carefully. That is all.
You may prostrate yourself before me and leave.
Please remember to walk backwards as it is a lifetime 
prison sentence to show your backside to the king
(Why did I ever allow it not to be a hanging offense?).
Dismissed, and remember your government has your welfare in mind.”   
 

- - -

 
Thus: the revolutionary war was over without a shot being fired. One can only marvel at the efficiency of government.   
 
 
 
 
 
–Erthona
 
©2015