01-25-2015, 02:12 AM
Thanks so much, milo, for clarifying my foggy brain. I still think the final couplet sounds too cute, but maybe I'll improve it instead of chucking it. Thanks for pointing out the present/future turn, I couldn't see the forest for the trees (cliche 
).
I was close to chucking the form altogether, but I'll see if I can improve the rhymes and structure first.
).I was close to chucking the form altogether, but I'll see if I can improve the rhymes and structure first.
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