NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1

NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1

ChristopherSea Offline

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Posts: 845
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Joined: Aug 2013

01-23-2015, 02:17 AM

How about: 'Your first breath holds ours frozen in awe' (or something like it to remove that comma break, but add another syllable)

Maybe 'immobile' for frozen, but check your meter!

My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris

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Messages In This Thread

NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by ellajam - 01-22-2015, 04:50 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by Brownlie - 01-22-2015, 01:12 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by Erthona - 01-22-2015, 01:41 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by bena - 01-22-2015, 11:18 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-23-2015, 12:14 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ChristopherSea - 01-23-2015, 02:17 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-23-2015, 02:53 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by milo - 01-23-2015, 10:44 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by Erthona - 01-23-2015, 10:55 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-24-2015, 09:50 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by milo - 01-25-2015, 01:20 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-25-2015, 02:12 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by bena - 01-25-2015, 02:18 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-25-2015, 02:43 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by milo - 01-25-2015, 02:59 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-25-2015, 04:03 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by RiverNotch - 01-25-2015, 11:33 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-25-2015, 12:16 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by Erthona - 01-25-2015, 03:54 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by RiverNotch - 01-25-2015, 06:34 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-25-2015, 09:17 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by Erthona - 01-25-2015, 10:12 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-25-2015, 10:35 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by milo - 01-26-2015, 02:29 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by RiverNotch - 01-25-2015, 10:33 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-26-2015, 08:02 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by milo - 01-28-2015, 02:41 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-28-2015, 03:01 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by milo - 01-28-2015, 04:13 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by bena - 01-27-2015, 11:56 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-28-2015, 12:47 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by Leah S. - 01-30-2015, 03:56 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic - by ellajam - 01-31-2015, 10:39 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by ellajam - 05-21-2015, 03:46 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by Todd - 05-28-2015, 04:11 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by ellajam - 05-28-2015, 04:19 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by Animal Riots Activist - 05-28-2015, 06:13 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by ellajam - 05-28-2015, 08:46 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by RiverNotch - 05-28-2015, 12:43 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by ellajam - 05-28-2015, 10:22 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by Animal Riots Activist - 05-29-2015, 02:58 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by tectak - 05-30-2015, 10:37 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by ellajam - 05-30-2015, 11:10 PM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by Municipal Alchemist - 06-03-2015, 03:18 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by ellajam - 06-03-2015, 04:53 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #1 - by Municipal Alchemist - 06-03-2015, 09:35 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2 - by ellajam - 06-20-2015, 01:57 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2 - by Todd - 06-20-2015, 03:12 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2 - by ellajam - 06-20-2015, 03:32 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2 - by Mark A Becker - 06-20-2015, 04:05 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2 - by ellajam - 06-20-2015, 04:22 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by MHenry - 11-07-2016, 09:04 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by ellajam - 11-07-2016, 10:26 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by Sparkydashforth - 11-18-2016, 04:31 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by ellajam - 11-18-2016, 04:39 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by kolemath - 11-18-2016, 06:15 AM

RE: NICU, For Dominic Edit #2.1 - by ellajam - 11-18-2016, 09:48 PM

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