01-16-2015, 10:41 PM
Thank you Jack for your time, impressions and suggestions!
To address some of your comments and concerns:
Yes, ghosts is a verb.
In stanza 2, I wanted to use the contrasting and ironic dual action of warfarin as an anticoagulant to prevent heart attack in humans and as a poison for rodentia. I often question whether or not prolonging my mom's life with medication is more like a slow poisoning to her when all she wants to do is die and join my dad.
Additionally, she's obsessed with her minor ailments, yet disappointed by her favorable prognosis. She has lost all patience and tolerance for the world about her.
This poem reflects my frustration and anger with her wasting time that could be spent with family and friends.
I see what you mean about the closing stanza. That insufferable could go. Your simplification of the close works. I suppose that I was striving for more drama, contrast and pause between the reality and punchline. I believe you have given me what I need to polish the poem off. Much obliged!/Chris
To address some of your comments and concerns:
Yes, ghosts is a verb.
In stanza 2, I wanted to use the contrasting and ironic dual action of warfarin as an anticoagulant to prevent heart attack in humans and as a poison for rodentia. I often question whether or not prolonging my mom's life with medication is more like a slow poisoning to her when all she wants to do is die and join my dad.
Additionally, she's obsessed with her minor ailments, yet disappointed by her favorable prognosis. She has lost all patience and tolerance for the world about her.
This poem reflects my frustration and anger with her wasting time that could be spent with family and friends.
I see what you mean about the closing stanza. That insufferable could go. Your simplification of the close works. I suppose that I was striving for more drama, contrast and pause between the reality and punchline. I believe you have given me what I need to polish the poem off. Much obliged!/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris