01-15-2015, 09:59 AM
Brownlie Sorry I can't drop "leathery" but I will drop abused.
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Leah "I don't get 'Tom Burdettless'. I even Googled it, thinking I was (as usual) pop-culture-impaired, but I only got insurance agents and FB pages."
Yeah that is kind of dated. I think this was originally written in 1998. At the time there was a TV commercial on every five minutes that, that referred to. Needs to be taken out now as it is dated.
"Luby's must be particular to Austin, I had to figure out that it was a diner from the context."
I think it is maybe limited to Texas and Oklahoma. I know there are ones in Dallas and Wichita Falls. I probably should put "cafeteria" after the name to make it a little more obvious as it isn't a nationwide chain.
"I was grossed out by the depth of your (inaccurate) description of the sound of slicing into human flesh. It only makes a noise like that in grade B horror movies. In real life it is quite silent."
Sure, except this isn't in "real life" this is in the perception of someone suffering from severe amphetamine psychosis. Considering that effects one's auditory sense to an extreme degree I have no problem having the addict hear that. It is after all not uncommon for people with this condition to have auditory hallucinations.
"I do think you belabor some of your images. Example: "The feeble pathetic torso-joined-limbs" possibly, although that is said with a certain amount of disdain by the speaker. Certainly looking back at cult and sexual surviver self help group with no one but patients to run the group, and these people believing any weird idea that happens by I do think it is an apt description. I probably didn't handle the description as well as I needed to, but in general it is close to what I want to say.
"I like the premise of the poem, but if you are going to do depressing meaningless suicides, you need to stop jerking the reader out of the mood with strange unrelated musical references and one-upping one (or two) too many times"
There is no musical reference, and one upping someone, which in this case means telling about more dramatic abuse than the last person is quit factual.
"I like the premise of the poem, but if you are going to do depressing meaningless suicides, you need to stop jerking the reader out of the mood with strange unrelated musical references and one-upping one (or two) too many times."
I don't remember what the technical name for it is. It is activated charcoal which helps to latch onto any toxic substance in ones substance and sequester it so it does not enter one's system. It was given either as a liquid or in capsules. In the liquid form it kind of looks like liquidated Oreo cookies without the cream. How that works on something that has been injected IV I have no idea, but I have seen it used for that many times. The first time I remember seeing it was on this chic's gown, sitting up and conscious having puked out some the delicious substance, and the nurses were trying to get more in her. I don't know what else they gave her, but I do know that she was dead weight when we carried her into the hospital and there was nothing that could wake her until they did whatever they did. My last job was at the hospital for five years and it was my job to watch suicidal or homicidal patients to make sure they didn't kill themselves or someone else, and I often worked in the ER. Up til 2006 or so I'm pretty sure they were still using activated charcoal treatment when people came in with various toxic conditions. In terms o0f the person this poem is about, I had to do an intake evaluation on her at the hospital as she was being transferred into the public treatment center (detox unit) where I was working and I can say with out a doubt she had a large very black circle of tar like substance around her mouth. when I asked what it was, I was told it was charcoal.
"One last quibble: I didn't like the repeated reference to the daughter as "green eyes". If the color of her eyes is important, you never tell us why that is." The color of her eyes was important as that was her most noticeable feature, and also contrasted her aliveness with her mothers..non-aliveness.
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I think I have answered your question Chris, somewhere up there. ^
Thanks for the comments folks,
Dale
Well I did answer all the question and then somehow lost them. I will repeat the one answer about the "sound" that everyone is harping on. This is a description of the perception of the addict. This person is suffering amphetamine psychosis (and no I do not refer to it. you have already beat me up for to many technical details so you can't have it both ways). One major effect of amphetamine psychosis is auditory hallucinations. As I have had hundreds of cases where people talk about the odd things they hear and at the time believe to be true, I have no problem with the main character hearing such things as she hears. It is quite in keeping with the condition she has. People with amphetamine psychosis often think that they have amber crystals under their skin, or sometimes worms. The reason that CNSS (central nervous system stimulant) addicts have round sores up and down their arms is from trying to get these things out with a knife or some other sharp object. BTW skin only cuts smoothly if the item you are using is sharp. So if she were cutting deep to get to the veins (arteries) with a somewhat dull knife, it would not cut smoothly. A person under the condition described could very easily "hear" what was described, it would be more strange if she did not.
Well this is rushed as I have run out of time. I will try and return to answer the rest of the questions later.
Thanks for the comments,
Dale
_______________________________________________________________
Leah "I don't get 'Tom Burdettless'. I even Googled it, thinking I was (as usual) pop-culture-impaired, but I only got insurance agents and FB pages."
Yeah that is kind of dated. I think this was originally written in 1998. At the time there was a TV commercial on every five minutes that, that referred to. Needs to be taken out now as it is dated.
"Luby's must be particular to Austin, I had to figure out that it was a diner from the context."
I think it is maybe limited to Texas and Oklahoma. I know there are ones in Dallas and Wichita Falls. I probably should put "cafeteria" after the name to make it a little more obvious as it isn't a nationwide chain.
"I was grossed out by the depth of your (inaccurate) description of the sound of slicing into human flesh. It only makes a noise like that in grade B horror movies. In real life it is quite silent."
Sure, except this isn't in "real life" this is in the perception of someone suffering from severe amphetamine psychosis. Considering that effects one's auditory sense to an extreme degree I have no problem having the addict hear that. It is after all not uncommon for people with this condition to have auditory hallucinations.
"I do think you belabor some of your images. Example: "The feeble pathetic torso-joined-limbs" possibly, although that is said with a certain amount of disdain by the speaker. Certainly looking back at cult and sexual surviver self help group with no one but patients to run the group, and these people believing any weird idea that happens by I do think it is an apt description. I probably didn't handle the description as well as I needed to, but in general it is close to what I want to say.
"I like the premise of the poem, but if you are going to do depressing meaningless suicides, you need to stop jerking the reader out of the mood with strange unrelated musical references and one-upping one (or two) too many times"
There is no musical reference, and one upping someone, which in this case means telling about more dramatic abuse than the last person is quit factual.
"I like the premise of the poem, but if you are going to do depressing meaningless suicides, you need to stop jerking the reader out of the mood with strange unrelated musical references and one-upping one (or two) too many times."
I don't remember what the technical name for it is. It is activated charcoal which helps to latch onto any toxic substance in ones substance and sequester it so it does not enter one's system. It was given either as a liquid or in capsules. In the liquid form it kind of looks like liquidated Oreo cookies without the cream. How that works on something that has been injected IV I have no idea, but I have seen it used for that many times. The first time I remember seeing it was on this chic's gown, sitting up and conscious having puked out some the delicious substance, and the nurses were trying to get more in her. I don't know what else they gave her, but I do know that she was dead weight when we carried her into the hospital and there was nothing that could wake her until they did whatever they did. My last job was at the hospital for five years and it was my job to watch suicidal or homicidal patients to make sure they didn't kill themselves or someone else, and I often worked in the ER. Up til 2006 or so I'm pretty sure they were still using activated charcoal treatment when people came in with various toxic conditions. In terms o0f the person this poem is about, I had to do an intake evaluation on her at the hospital as she was being transferred into the public treatment center (detox unit) where I was working and I can say with out a doubt she had a large very black circle of tar like substance around her mouth. when I asked what it was, I was told it was charcoal.
"One last quibble: I didn't like the repeated reference to the daughter as "green eyes". If the color of her eyes is important, you never tell us why that is." The color of her eyes was important as that was her most noticeable feature, and also contrasted her aliveness with her mothers..non-aliveness.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I think I have answered your question Chris, somewhere up there. ^
Thanks for the comments folks,
Dale
Well I did answer all the question and then somehow lost them. I will repeat the one answer about the "sound" that everyone is harping on. This is a description of the perception of the addict. This person is suffering amphetamine psychosis (and no I do not refer to it. you have already beat me up for to many technical details so you can't have it both ways). One major effect of amphetamine psychosis is auditory hallucinations. As I have had hundreds of cases where people talk about the odd things they hear and at the time believe to be true, I have no problem with the main character hearing such things as she hears. It is quite in keeping with the condition she has. People with amphetamine psychosis often think that they have amber crystals under their skin, or sometimes worms. The reason that CNSS (central nervous system stimulant) addicts have round sores up and down their arms is from trying to get these things out with a knife or some other sharp object. BTW skin only cuts smoothly if the item you are using is sharp. So if she were cutting deep to get to the veins (arteries) with a somewhat dull knife, it would not cut smoothly. A person under the condition described could very easily "hear" what was described, it would be more strange if she did not.
Well this is rushed as I have run out of time. I will try and return to answer the rest of the questions later.
Thanks for the comments,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.