01-15-2015, 02:12 AM
This is a fantastic poem but egads, the punctuation. I have used semicolons in the past, and thanks to Tom I realized that I had a problem, and now I've cut down drastically.
In general, though the only punctuation used is a random comma, and semicolons. Try to remember that a semicolon can function only as a connector between two COMPLETE sentences that are closely tied together. Anywhere you insert one, it could be a period. (and probably, for the most part, should be)
so things like
I still see him with mother;
stirring in the kitchen.
is completely improper use, and I agree with dale that, while a clever word play, stirring in the kitchen is ambiguous.
The only properly used one is the first one. Try a bit of em dash, or just plan periods.
There is much to love about this piece. Thanks for the read,
mel.
In general, though the only punctuation used is a random comma, and semicolons. Try to remember that a semicolon can function only as a connector between two COMPLETE sentences that are closely tied together. Anywhere you insert one, it could be a period. (and probably, for the most part, should be)
so things like
I still see him with mother;
stirring in the kitchen.
is completely improper use, and I agree with dale that, while a clever word play, stirring in the kitchen is ambiguous.
The only properly used one is the first one. Try a bit of em dash, or just plan periods.
There is much to love about this piece. Thanks for the read,
mel.