The Panther Pisses in the Rill
#11
First thing first, I would like to give an explanation, though a sorry one. lol
I could not fall asleep last night and stayed awake through the day and so took a fairly good dose of Ambien To induce some repose but instead of falling asleep I found myself in a stupor causing a ruckus here on pigpen. Lol
To Dale: Shakespeare invented words pretty consistently so.... Big Grin
Lol, I actually invent words all of the time. Conception(s) is one I'm fond of using.
Your original post was not so abrasive, but the closing lines seemed sardonic or contumelious to me.
I felt like you were speaking in embellished derision (invoking the muse) throughout your post, seemingly missing the "levity," as I do deemed, which Webster defines as "excessive or unseemly frivolity" or "lacking seriousness," (so got you there)
And then sealed it with a cold sentiment. Although, I can now see the inverted humor in it.
Although meant in good jest, it still yet seems a bit subtle for someone who does not have an idea for who you are.
Irregardless, I apologize.

(01-14-2015, 10:33 AM)bena Wrote:  "Sorry I thought this was in the "Newly Registered Forum," I didn't see it was in the "fun forum". Please disregard the above."

This is Dale's comprehension of levity and throwing back at you.  Can you comprehend sarcasm? Wink

As to the poem itself---
the meter in L3 & 4 were screwed...ella was right about that.  
as to the 'fin' I love that since I'm a huge fan of entendre and caught the fish thing.

Welcome to the site.  I would suggest in the future to try not to be quite so defensive---it helps to have a very thick skin, and if you have to explain your poetry, you've not connected with your audience.  

Cheers!

bena
Hey, thank you for your post!
Yeah, the humor in his first post was lost on me. Oops.
And Thank you for your kind words Smile

(01-14-2015, 09:33 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Most large cats have the good sense not to piss near a water source. The cubs don't always get it, but they do love levity.
Lol at this. Everytime I've read it I've chuckled.

(01-14-2015, 04:15 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:  
(01-14-2015, 02:46 AM)Kubla Khan Wrote:  The Panther Pisses In The Rill

Wild Clover bloom upon the hill,
The Panther pisses in the rill.
The tawny waters dark and serene
Are swept onward to another scene.

                    Fin

I'd suggest fixing the rhythm and sundry such:

Wild clover bloom upon the hill,
The panther pisses in the rill.
Its tawny waters foul, unclean;
bespeak regression t'wards the mean.


And yes, yeah, all that... and welcome to the 'pen where fun poems are
taken seriously and serious poems aren't as pathetic as they seem (at first).

There's a microbrewery in Flatonia, Texas that markets a pale ale called
"Panther Piss". It's a dark, tawny brew that, after the forth, lends a
certain justice to the words strewn here.

How real is this? A hammer to that flat glow in front of you will tell.
Is it by the same people who make "Sex Panther?" Lol

I have never had much interest in meter or melody when when writing. That is actually an area I'm wholly ignorant of. Although, I do like Ella's take on the rhyme scheme and syntax (is that the right word? Probably not.)
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Messages In This Thread
The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Kubla Khan - 01-14-2015, 02:46 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Erthona - 01-14-2015, 03:45 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by ellajam - 01-14-2015, 07:26 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by bena - 01-14-2015, 10:33 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by milo - 01-14-2015, 11:07 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Brownlie - 01-14-2015, 12:09 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Erthona - 01-14-2015, 02:07 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Kubla Khan - 01-14-2015, 05:38 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by bena - 01-15-2015, 12:35 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by milo - 01-15-2015, 12:46 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Brownlie - 01-17-2015, 10:09 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by milo - 01-17-2015, 12:41 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by bena - 01-15-2015, 11:58 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by just mercedes - 01-17-2015, 12:52 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Brownlie - 01-19-2015, 01:59 PM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Erthona - 01-24-2015, 05:31 AM
RE: The Panther Pisses in the Rill - by Brownlie - 01-27-2015, 04:42 PM



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