01-13-2015, 04:47 PM
Line 2, you say reach to life. Are you yearning for extraterrestrial contact? If not I feel that could be reworded. I had trouble with that.
On line three, should there not be a comma between "galaxies, of galaxies?" I like that line, though. I would throw in a comma and leave it myself.
Really the whole first stanza, though, I cannot decipher.
Actually the whole thing perplexes me. Are you speaking of a cosmic wonder you feel, and juxtaposing it with the image of a barren earth? There are some flashes of brilliancy in there, but I'm really not drawing any context from it.
Maybe it's just my state of mind at the moment, I'm feeling less than astute right now so maybe I'll come back later and it will click.
On line three, should there not be a comma between "galaxies, of galaxies?" I like that line, though. I would throw in a comma and leave it myself.
Really the whole first stanza, though, I cannot decipher.
Actually the whole thing perplexes me. Are you speaking of a cosmic wonder you feel, and juxtaposing it with the image of a barren earth? There are some flashes of brilliancy in there, but I'm really not drawing any context from it.
Maybe it's just my state of mind at the moment, I'm feeling less than astute right now so maybe I'll come back later and it will click.