01-07-2015, 06:31 AM
Hi Amy,
What stood out for me in this poem were the last four words: "blunt and brittle reality", the first two words: "plates smash", and the eyes of the mother ( first stanza: description of her eyes and last stanza fear of waking up with those eyes). A suggestion might be to whittle down some of the words in the first stanza and perhaps change the order of the lines so that the focus is drawn to the eyes of someone who doesn't notice/care that plates have smashed. The theme of eyes being a window to a "blunt and brittle reality" is one that interests me and is a powerful one. The word "kaleidoscopes" made me think "fractured vision".
What stood out for me in this poem were the last four words: "blunt and brittle reality", the first two words: "plates smash", and the eyes of the mother ( first stanza: description of her eyes and last stanza fear of waking up with those eyes). A suggestion might be to whittle down some of the words in the first stanza and perhaps change the order of the lines so that the focus is drawn to the eyes of someone who doesn't notice/care that plates have smashed. The theme of eyes being a window to a "blunt and brittle reality" is one that interests me and is a powerful one. The word "kaleidoscopes" made me think "fractured vision".