On Leaving

[Wjames]

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We leave one step at a time:
the table after eating, a failing job, I think you could find a "better" (more specific?) word than failing.
a belief, the broken heart of a home

the in-and-out of breath,
one hand against cold glass

black rocks near Calumet,
green frothy water breaking
over them, and that Sunday afternoon
when the sky seemed to pull apart
like the innards of a cotton pillow

The dream-steps we tiptoe toward awakening,
the flowering summer mornings breaking away
toward autumn

I don't like this last "summer" image in conjunction with the rest of the poem, everything else is so specific, going "one-step" at a time, whereas the last two lines are a million little steps compacted into "one". Perhaps you did that on purpose, but I didn't really get anything out of it if you did. That being said, I think I do like it much more than the original. I think a really good ending could be an image of something dying (the final step). The thought that keeps popping into my head is some sort of image of a single dandelion seed leaving the stem as a dandelion's kicked over/picked...

To me this was an interesting representation of the great Dylan line: "that he not busy being born, is busy dying". I liked it a lot, but I do think you could still improve the ending. I did enjoy it quite a bit though, you have some great images in there.