On Leaving

[71degrees]

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We leave one step at a time:
the table after eating, a failing job,
a belief, the broken heart of a home

the in-and-out of breath,
one hand against cold glass

black rocks near Calumet,
green frothy water breaking
over them, and that Sunday afternoon
when the sky seemed to pull apart
like the innards of a cotton pillow

The dream-steps we tiptoe toward awakening,
the flowering summer mornings breaking away
toward autumn

Original

We leave one step at a time:
from the table after eating, a failing job,
certain beliefs, the broken heart of a home

the in-and-out of our breath,
one hand against cold glass

from the black rocks near Calumet,
green frothy water breaking
over them, and that Sunday afternoon
when the sky seemed to pull apart
like the innards of a cotton pillow

when we pretend
life is easier than it really is

I enjoyed how lyrical this poetry is, most interestingly it only included the 1st person plural pronoun "we" which gave a kind of loving vibe throughout. The antithesis is that it quite a melancholic poem. I enjoyed the mix of emotion the poem presented, to improve I would only add a few more poetic devises in the opening stanzas; to grip the reader more (initially).

Yes. That's fair. But just for my peace of mind...by "opening stanzas"...do you mean the first two stanzas of a four stanza poem? Happy New Year. And welcome.