Rain That Burns

[just mercedes]

Your title made me think of fallout after a nuclear explosion. Your poem reads as a metaphor for the break-up of a relationship.

Though the night is bane
Only moonlight mourns nice sounds
Here I dance with pains
And this rain that burns the meter is constant but the rhyme of mourns/burns irks me

Still I smear my dreams
And my longing hymns so what is it - nocturne, or hymn?
In crimson blood runes meter goes off here
On this rain that burns smearing anything onto rain seems impossible

My loveless nocturnes meter changes again
My last remembrance
Ere death and silence
In this rain that burns So the rain is going to burn you to death?

You have the bones of a poem, but I think you need to pay more more attention to the flesh. Either get your rhymes and meter all working together, or ignore them and work in free verse. This poem is half-way.

Thanks for posting.