12-29-2014, 04:15 AM
Ami,
Yes to what Tom said. Also, this is twice too many words and half too much poem. I don't think " eyes like
kaleidoscopes" describes what the speaker is fearing very well, which I infer is either some form of dementia, or bi-polar disorder, that she fears she might get/have in the future. However this is a shallow painting at best as I never feeling an emotional attachment with the character, that is to say, I never care what happens to her. If I do not, the poem has no impact on me, and that is from someone who has lived in this enviorment.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
Yes to what Tom said. Also, this is twice too many words and half too much poem. I don't think " eyes like
kaleidoscopes" describes what the speaker is fearing very well, which I infer is either some form of dementia, or bi-polar disorder, that she fears she might get/have in the future. However this is a shallow painting at best as I never feeling an emotional attachment with the character, that is to say, I never care what happens to her. If I do not, the poem has no impact on me, and that is from someone who has lived in this enviorment.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.