Kneeling in the Autumn Garden

[Leah S.]

I don't think there's anything I didn't get, I'd recommend only a gentle, thoughtful edit. S4L1 clearly says you are experiencing the pain without bowing out. I don't like steady because the whole poem says it already, you are not spinning dizzily in grief but holding and exploring it. Your ground is solid throughout, the stones unmoving.

I understand perfectly what you are saying with turning earth, it is a fine ending but you might want to consider a less common way of say it.

I know from where you speak of adjective laden poems, I've destroyed one of my own in attempts to dump them, hoping to come out in a better place. I am not suggesting you lose the ones I'm quibbling about, they suit the repetition in the poem, just urging you to think about whether or not there might be better replacements.

Good luck with it.

thanks! I posted a second ("gentle") revision that took note of your very useful suggestions