12-21-2014, 12:20 PM
Seems like I've read this old nugget before. I agree with the approach, as the end result seems to treat this as an addiction, and as such treats this as more than a simple black and white conditions.
At times the writing is not clear, and to say the least, confusing.
"imploring me to change my mind, and so you press my hands upon your disconnected aching breasts"
As we do not know what the speakers state of mind is, it is difficult to decide what changing his mind would be. Is the girl, who is supposedly the victim of his predation trying to change his mind to have sex with her, when he had decided not to. Why are her breasts disconnected, and if they are, how can they be aching? Certainly she can be an object to him, and in such a way her breast could be said to be disconnected, but then how can they be aching?
"Exotica, erotica" Really? And you write it twice.
OK can't take anymore. Skip to the end.
"Exotica, erotica, I look at you and change my mind…" Nope, not going to happen, never, zilch, nada. That's like a seventeen years old just got his Johnson sheathed, then deciding to pull out. No way, uh uh! A fatal flaw in the poem. But, your poem. what do I know, I only counseled people for 20+ years, I'm sure I am off the mark here. Besides, it's poetic license right?
Later on Dude,
Dale the disenfranchised
At times the writing is not clear, and to say the least, confusing.
"imploring me to change my mind, and so you press my hands upon your disconnected aching breasts"
As we do not know what the speakers state of mind is, it is difficult to decide what changing his mind would be. Is the girl, who is supposedly the victim of his predation trying to change his mind to have sex with her, when he had decided not to. Why are her breasts disconnected, and if they are, how can they be aching? Certainly she can be an object to him, and in such a way her breast could be said to be disconnected, but then how can they be aching?
"Exotica, erotica" Really? And you write it twice.
OK can't take anymore. Skip to the end.
"Exotica, erotica, I look at you and change my mind…" Nope, not going to happen, never, zilch, nada. That's like a seventeen years old just got his Johnson sheathed, then deciding to pull out. No way, uh uh! A fatal flaw in the poem. But, your poem. what do I know, I only counseled people for 20+ years, I'm sure I am off the mark here. Besides, it's poetic license right?
Later on Dude,
Dale the disenfranchised
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.