Ablaze (need help with the edit)

[tectak]

Thank you both for the kind and helpful critique.

I am as uncertain of the intent in your reply as I was in the poem. To err cautiously, I will assume you are sincere not cynical.
The piece is blatantly striving to be poetic but there is no clearly defined central metaphor...and that is the core issue.

Fragrant phrases like "Unending visions--(???) waltz on swirls of passion" just do not stand up to scrutiny. Unending visions. What does unending mean? OK. Processional and unbroken. If modifying "visions" you can add phantasma into infinity. Where does this fit in to your theme in the light of the broken future which jerks onwards...fallen into an abyss is pretty halting, "moments" shared is staccato thinking, casting of a heart into darkness seems terminal.
Worse, how do you reconcile visions waltzing ON swirls with the very next word...fatigued. No. You must get your thoughts in order BEFORE submitting them to the page...but more, before offering them up for critique; even with the plea for help attached.
Many poetry sites will encourage this kind of muddled thinking by eulogy. You will be told it is "wonderfully" this and "awesomely" that....you will be so in love with your poetic skills that perpetuation of mediocrity is inevitable. This is your chance to write something that has intent, structure, metaphor and meaning. Poetry.
All is opinion, of course. You decide.
Best,
tectak