12-20-2014, 02:42 AM
sorry for the late reply, folks. between moving into a new house and getting ready for the holidays, i've been busier than a one-armed paperhanger.
i'll address the issue that most have raised here so far: i've workshopped this with a fairly good-sized group of people and they were split three ways about who "the father" could be. i like the ambiguity of that term and i don't think it needs to be capitalized. i don't want to lead the reader to a foregone conclusion; i'd rather he or she get there, wherever "there" is, on his or her own.
that said, i kept the language simple for a reason. this is a 9-line poem. it doesn't need fanciful, flowery language to beef it up. as 71 pointed out, there is a lot of double meaning in the words i've carefully chosen. i'll leave those references be as well, they stand on their own and can be interpreted several ways.
thanks for the input and critiques, all. they truly do make me think about how to make this better
i'll address the issue that most have raised here so far: i've workshopped this with a fairly good-sized group of people and they were split three ways about who "the father" could be. i like the ambiguity of that term and i don't think it needs to be capitalized. i don't want to lead the reader to a foregone conclusion; i'd rather he or she get there, wherever "there" is, on his or her own.
that said, i kept the language simple for a reason. this is a 9-line poem. it doesn't need fanciful, flowery language to beef it up. as 71 pointed out, there is a lot of double meaning in the words i've carefully chosen. i'll leave those references be as well, they stand on their own and can be interpreted several ways.
thanks for the input and critiques, all. they truly do make me think about how to make this better