Blackout

[Wjames]

Thanks for taking the time to read, and give me your thoughts guys. I agree about the word "outside", but when I cut it and start the next sentence with snow, something just doesn't seem right to me. I have made a little change though, and cut "sound".

I don't mean to critique a critique, but I don't really know what you mean by "written expression" Pyxx. If you could be more specific, it would help me understand what you find lacking. I do sort of understand what you could mean, as I wasn't really trying to "express" anything with this poem - more just create an image that encapsulates a feeling instead of specifically trying to express something. Of course, it could just mean "I think this sucks" which is fine, but I'd like to know why you think it sucks if possible.

Hi,

I have to go out soon and as such I don't really have enough time to elaborate on the questions you have, just yet. I really just wanted to say that I do not think that 'your work sucks'. If anything I think that using this word to 'critique' another persons work has negative connotations and is also probably not very conducive to their improvement or self confidence. Constructive criticism is just this, criticism that is also constructive.

A constructive critique offers advice to the author on things that may improve a work. I speak for myself when I say that  constructive criticism appears to be a possible foundation for any aspiring poet, artist, musician, to learn from and improve. Remember I am a novice here too and I feel that the critiques I have received have helped me to improve my own work, hopefully ^_^

Anyway, merely stating that someone's 'work sux' offers little reason or insight as to how a work could be improved and is definitively not constructive, if anything, it's probably a little mean, too. I was merely attempting to go through your work line through line and offer advice...

I will definitely get back to your questions and elaborate further to the best of my ability.   

I agree for the most part, constructive criticism is definitely the key. I don't think you necessarily have to say "this could be improved by x, y, and z" however. I think the best critiques are just detailed, honest reactions to a poem; if you think something is terrible, it doesn't do anyone any good for you to tell them otherwise.

For instance, while "I think this stanza sucks." isn't useful to a writer, "I think this stanza sucks, because the first line is a cliche, you use "I" five times over three lines, and I knew that "fly" would rhyme with "sky" before even starting the last line" could most definitely be useful if it makes them think about their work in a new light.

I was just wondering what the "because" was for the written expression part of your critique. All the best, WJ