12-19-2014, 03:46 PM
Thanks for taking the time to read, and give me your thoughts guys. I agree about the word "outside", but when I cut it and start the next sentence with snow, something just doesn't seem right to me. I have made a little change though, and cut "sound".
I don't mean to critique a critique, but I don't really know what you mean by "written expression" Pyxx. If you could be more specific, it would help me understand what you find lacking. I do sort of understand what you could mean, as I wasn't really trying to "express" anything with this poem - more just create an image that encapsulates a feeling instead of specifically trying to express something. Of course, it could just mean "I think this sucks" which is fine, but I'd like to know why you think it sucks if possible.
I don't mean to critique a critique, but I don't really know what you mean by "written expression" Pyxx. If you could be more specific, it would help me understand what you find lacking. I do sort of understand what you could mean, as I wasn't really trying to "express" anything with this poem - more just create an image that encapsulates a feeling instead of specifically trying to express something. Of course, it could just mean "I think this sucks" which is fine, but I'd like to know why you think it sucks if possible.