Madeleine

[none]

If you have any more question, I'll do my best to answer them.

Thank you very much for your detailed explanation.

Truth to be told, as absurd as it sound, this poem is actually not about love at all - it is about loneliness. Neither the speaker nor the non-speaker is in love with each other and both knows this perfectly from the start. It suppose to be a capitalistic relationship hinted by the title of this piece in correlation with the body of the writing.

Your criticism is absolutely spot on though in that every single line written in this poem are stuff that has been said again and again ad nauseam and risking myself looking like a pretentious fool - it was intentional.

Still, all in all, this poem is a total mess and I would just erase it permanently if not for a fact that a random person someplace else liked this piece (which didn't convinced me at all and thus the reason I'm here to find someone who can offer a genuine harsh criticism).

Thank you once again for your honest criticism and your explanation, I truly appreciate it for the time you took in writing them down.

But having said that, if you really want to fix some of this, you could change arm to arms...last time I looked most people have 2.

Thanks a lot for pointing this out!
Still, I'm not sure what's the correct line suppose to be.

"Lie down on my arm" - to describe being in a horizontal position above one of the arms - is the correct line (I assume(?)) but it somehow sounds weird. I would appreciate it if anyone can tell me what the correct grammar is.