12-17-2014, 03:33 AM
Rhyming is forced.
I understand where you're coming from with "debonair", but as mentioned above, it doesn't have any negative context (I would go with sarcastic context - you need something that implies feigned sincerity, perhaps like self-righteousness or something along those lines). Also on that line, it'd work better if it was:
"lived THE life of a debonair"
or even
"lived THE life of THE debonair"
rather than
"lived A life of a debonair"
Furthermore, you've already been notified (and seemed previously aware) that there are grammatical errors, so I won't dive into that. Nice concept, but you need to work on the details.
-BW
I understand where you're coming from with "debonair", but as mentioned above, it doesn't have any negative context (I would go with sarcastic context - you need something that implies feigned sincerity, perhaps like self-righteousness or something along those lines). Also on that line, it'd work better if it was:
"lived THE life of a debonair"
or even
"lived THE life of THE debonair"
rather than
"lived A life of a debonair"
Furthermore, you've already been notified (and seemed previously aware) that there are grammatical errors, so I won't dive into that. Nice concept, but you need to work on the details.
-BW