Blackout

[jtrom1010]

Edit 1:


Reading by firelight
in a huddled mass of blankets,
a family sits together.
 
The dogs yawn echoes quietly
over the sound of the storm.
Outside, snow and wind tangle
grids of power into knots of wire.
 
In a cave beyond town,
sleeping bears cuddle.

Original:

Reading by firelight
in a huddled mass of flesh,
the family dogs yawn echoes peace.
 
Outside, snow and wind tangle
grids of power into knots of wire.
 
In a cave outside town,
sleeping bears cuddle as usual.

Wow...honestly not too much to criticize. Short, sweet, to the point, and wonderful imagery. Overall just really well done, and I'm usually extensively critical of short pieces like this.