Mourning

[Leah S.]

Mourning 
Her fragile keen, so felt, so slow, so rude,
desists upon my entering the room.
Like a death at a parade, my steps on grief intrude;
like scissors on a butterfly they move.
I wish she would lament as mothers do,
terribly, instead of cooing to herself,
instead of refusing to look around for me,
losing sight of her grief instead.
I crushed a junebug to guts and tatters once.
Its wings and legs came unglued. Puzzlingly,
it'd ceased to be,
And, overcome with distress, I buried her
and chalked "June" on a rock with a rock,
and cried desperately. O, weary woman, too,
cry and cry and cry til your eyes turn blue.

Lines 6,7,8's syntax is confusing to me, You begin L6,7 with "instead of" and end L8 with "instead." This makes the sense come out as this: because she coos to herself, because she refuses to look around for you, she has lost sight of her grief. I think you meant that because she desisted when you came into the room, she lost sight of her grief, but I'm not sure. It also seems you might mean you wish she would lose sight of her grief instead of managing it so carefully.
Steps "moving like scissors on a butterfly" is really powerful!
Not so sure about "a death at a parade" but maybe I'm over-thinking it.
I don't get the connection in "eyes turn blue,". It needs some previous reference I think. Because it is the conclusion it should tie the whole poem together, but it doesn't. At least I can't think of any connection between blue eyes and grief, mourning, or weariness. Am I missing something?
I can't tell if your line-end rhymes are random or deliberate, but they are there, and because they are few, they invite me to notice them. Is there some deeper significance to the pairing of "rude" and "intrude"; "too" and "blue"?
L11:  "it'd" is awkward, and "it had" will scan nearly the same, if that is important.
I found myself drawn to examining your scansion, but I decided that it was natural and intrinsic, and I hesitate to suggest that you examine it. Fooling with it might could lead to the poem sounding contrived. Note, though, the perfect syllabic match in the pairing of "so felt, so slow, so rude" with "my steps on grief intrude;" which isn't repeated anywhere else. It really makes those lines stand out. Add the rhyme and they fairly leap out at me. Beautiful poem.

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i'm guessing the funeral is [hers]. when you eneter a room you can't feel here because she disists. for me this is the main sticking point. is it that you sense her in the the objects of the room, that the room is her to some extent? while it reads okay, i still don't feel i know enough of the dead her. the 2nd thing that could be done better are some of the end phrases on a few lines. they feel forced  some i can see are done to it the enjambment. some don't work so well. two places in the poem have end rhymes, after the inital read i thought it was verse. specially because of the last too lines. (the last one being one of the forced lines i mentioned.) thanks for the read.

Mourning 
Her fragile keen, so felt, so slow, so rude, i have to google this instance of [keen] even though i think i know what it means, after the google i have to say i can't make keen work desists upon my entering the room. if this is true, how do you know it was there to start with
Like a death at a parade, my steps on grief intrude;
like scissors on a butterfly they move.they move do they? isn't it a given?
I wish she would lament as mothers do,
terribly, instead of cooing to herself,
instead of refusing to look around for me,
losing sight of her grief instead.
I crushed a junebug to guts and tatters once.
Its wings and legs came unglued. Puzzlingly,
it'd ceased to be,
And, overcome with distress, I buried her why the capped [a] how did you know it was a [her]?
and chalked "June" on a rock with a rock, i do like the double up on this line, [much better than the double of [grief]
and cried desperately. O, weary woman, too,
cry and cry and cry til your eyes turn blue. the rhyme feels forced.