mother

[Bunx]

 


we measured every element

down to your iron core we scanned

but who you are is long forgotten

secret gardens reaped and rotten. Really enjoyed this first stanza. Liking how the poem reads line by line. Making the ideas very clear and point by point. I would comment about grammar and lack of punctuation but I assume you are intentionally doing so for stylistic reasons.   

 

deprived you of your mystic name

invent a god who´s far away I like how this reads, but I am bit confused with the present/past text. You could switch invent to invented so the whole stanza is past tense. The rhythm of the language is solid. 

for to despoil you of your limbs love that you use despoil. adds an element of violence to the poem. making theme theme of the poem evident.

“make earth subject” as bible prints Really enjoyed the last two lines of this stanza. As I look into this poem more and more with the title in mind I can't help but wonder if you referring to a the christian God or female mother god who has been lost in time or translation. OR even something else.

 

but we´re your children, Not typically a fan of line that start with but, i think you could get rid of it and put a period at the end of the second stanza.

you´re our ground

we ache cause we do

share your wounds.





Edit
thanks to all critics

mother



we measured every element
down to your iron core we scanned
but who you are is long forgotten
secret gardens reaped and rotten.

your name´s denied and undermined
by crafted gods and false commands,
our warrant to despoil  your  limbs.
the answer that you give is grim.

we´re self-aware but cancerous sprouts,
germs ovlivious to our ground.
we ache cause we do
share your wounds.






______________________________________________________

here we go, it´s plain and preachy again. if i only knew how to make it more subtle.

Really enjoyed this poem as a whole. I picked out the theme the nature of distorting God or Jesus hence the "wounds (symbolic or literal) in the last line" (for religious/political reasons) and the nature of suffering. What I like most about this poem is the clear depiction of ideas as well as initial vagueness of the first stanza. On the other side the title "mother" is kind of confusing to me. So maybe I am infact not getting this poem at all
thanks for the post!