Mourning

[tectak]

Mourning 
Her fragile keen, so felt, so slow, so rude,
desists upon my entering the room. "desists" is perfect.
Like a death at a parade, my steps on grief intrude; Again, as an appreciation of circumstance, this is beautifully moot. I have said this before on the use of the semicolon...beware the reversal. You make a great metaphorical statement...clear, precise, well judged and meant. The "scissors on a butterfly" is so good that I almost wish you would save it for later. Put it somewhere out of competition with the "death at a parade". Oh, back to the "a" before death. I ,too, think you could loose it advantageously.
like scissors on a butterfly they move.
I wish she would lament as mothers do,
terribly, instead of cooing to herself, Small nit. The keen is not a coo.
instead of refusing to look around for me,
losing sight of her grief instead. Because I expect clarity from you, crow...this disappoints. I think it is just word order.
I crushed a junebug to guts and tatters once. Hmmm. I am sure a comma would help after "tatters". Your poem.
Its wings and legs came unglued. Puzzlingly, ...and if that comma were there, you MAY hear this line ring without the "its".
it'd ceased to be, Must be a colloquialism. "Puzzlingly, it ceased to be", surely? Discuss "It had ceased to be" without mentioning a dead parrot.
And, overcome with distress, I buried her To save you the trouble of cursor>back delete>a, just delete "And". If this dead, disjointed junebug is now a female, then presumably that gendre assignation should apply to the "Its wings" above. So "her wings" unless disassociation causes instant sexual differentiation... I have wondered about that, not.
and chalked "June" on a rock with a rock,
and cried desperately. O, weary woman, too, too?, too? No. Doesn't work
cry and cry and cry til your eyes turn blue. Perhaps one cry too many...to keen?

Stunningly contrived so that it appears uncontrived. There is some question over SOME of the phraseology...as if good enough would do...like applying a quantitative moderator to the abstract verb ,"felt". I found this so tried...if you get my drift.
Apart from the bad bits which are few, the good bits are better than the average curate's egg.
Very well done from me.
Best,
tectak[/b][/b]