12-12-2014, 01:13 AM
I really don't like the usage of the word "desert" in the second line of the third stanza as it literally disrupted my imagination. The first stanza gave me the vague basic idea, the second stanza intensified the emotion but then when I reached the third stanza, I was held back. Is Detroit located in the middle of a desert? That was the first thing that came to mind.
Still, this is a very well written poem even though some of the meanings are not known to me. I can see that without having an intimate knowledge of Detroit's long history, it would be difficult for anyone to fully enjoy the poems. With only a limited general knowledge of the city that I have, I can grasp the first, second and third (apart from "desert") stanzas without much issue. Stanza four on the other hand, made me struggle and I'm at lost completely with stanza five.
Regardless, despite my knowledge blank, every stanza is still able to convey its general meaning to the readers via easily decipherable lines here and there. For example, despite not knowing the meanings of the first four lines of the fifth stanza, the last three lines:
God-like hands bonded by guilt and grime
are frightened at the collective fury
of this city in rebirth.
are not hard to understand, giving us the general idea of the stanza.
All in all, it's 9/10 from me as I do enjoy reading the poem and really like the way you beautifully strung the words together.
Still, this is a very well written poem even though some of the meanings are not known to me. I can see that without having an intimate knowledge of Detroit's long history, it would be difficult for anyone to fully enjoy the poems. With only a limited general knowledge of the city that I have, I can grasp the first, second and third (apart from "desert") stanzas without much issue. Stanza four on the other hand, made me struggle and I'm at lost completely with stanza five.
Regardless, despite my knowledge blank, every stanza is still able to convey its general meaning to the readers via easily decipherable lines here and there. For example, despite not knowing the meanings of the first four lines of the fifth stanza, the last three lines:
God-like hands bonded by guilt and grime
are frightened at the collective fury
of this city in rebirth.
are not hard to understand, giving us the general idea of the stanza.
All in all, it's 9/10 from me as I do enjoy reading the poem and really like the way you beautifully strung the words together.