Blackout

[QDeathstar]

Edit 1:


Reading by firelight
in a huddled mass of blankets,
a family sits together.
 
The dogs yawn echoes quietly this part I've had to pause over several times and I think it detracts from the poem. dogs yawn echoes, perhaps howl? Is it dogs as in more than one? Or dogs'?
over the sound of the storm.
Outside, snow and wind tangle I agree with billy about the word outside, but disagree with him about tangle. Makes sense to me like it is.
grids of power into knots of wire.
 
In a cave beyond town,
sleeping bears cuddle. for me, this reads as the humans are distrurbed, eg, unable to sleep, due to th storm but that bears are at peace durinng storms, a comment on nature perhaps?.


I do like the edit better, I like how the first and last stanza are broken out unto themselves, compared to the original poem. The middle stanza still needs some work.

Original:

Reading by firelight
in a huddled mass of flesh,
the family dogs yawn echoes peace.
 
Outside, snow and wind tangle
grids of power into knots of wire.
 
In a cave outside town,
sleeping bears cuddle as usual.