Blackout

[billy]

the edit's an improvement. here's some feedback o it.

Edit 1:


Reading by firelight
in a huddled mass of blankets,
a family sits together. is sits needed as it takes something away from 'huddled' ?
 
The dogs yawn echoes quietly
over the sound of the storm. is the sound needed, could another word be better used.
Outside, snow and wind tangle no need for outside (unless the storms inside)is there a better word than tangle, something like transform or another energy related word?
grids of power into knots of wire. for me the line is good image but it's trying to hard, a suggestion would be something like; the power-grid into knotted wires
 
In a cave beyond town,
sleeping bears cuddle. i do like the end couplet, it has a haiku feel about it and is a good change of direction.

Original:

Reading by firelight
in a huddled mass of flesh,
the family dogs yawn echoes peace.
 
Outside, snow and wind tangle
grids of power into knots of wire.
 
In a cave outside town,
sleeping bears cuddle as usual.