12-10-2014, 01:49 PM
Tundradriver72,
As shem mentioned. "Its" is the possessive form of "it", "it's" is the contraction "it is". There are a lot of errors that one can get by with, with only a mild rebuke...more or less, this is not one of them, especially as you poem is expected to have already been edited for these types of errors. There are certain errors that writers should always check for, always. Your-You're, To-Too-Two, along with Its-It's seem to be the ones most often committed. Oh, yes, before I forget. This idea that the first letter of every line should be capitalized went out in the 1950's when they discovered that only capitalizing the start of a sentence made the reading much easier. They did not however quit using periods to signify the end of a sentence. Poetry should follow grammatical and typographical rules just the same as prose unless there is a very strong rationale to do otherwise. "Because it looks more like poetry", is not sufficient.
Personally I think the idea of "worn feet" is silly. Feet cannot be put on and worn, they cannot acquire ware, and therefor cannot become worn. There are many things that feet can become, worn is not one of them. They can become broken, or broken down, calloused, raw, hurt, bent, bruised, and so on, but worn? It doesn't work for me. Maybe it will work for others.
I was going to let it go at that but I feel compelled to comment on these two lines:
"The what if's become apparent,
like white chalk on a black board"
As "what if" is hypothetical, it is, practically speaking, infinite. It is nearly impossible to see how to parse this out, but let us assume that the phrase "after one failed attempt" is suppose to be included in this, which of course is by no means apparent. So it would read.
"...after one failed attempt the what if's become apparent like white chalk on a black board."
The next question that becomes apparent is "failed attempt" at what? Unfortunately the answer is less than helpful.
The answer appears to be "Walking blind". So put all together lets see what we have.
"...after one failed attempt at walking blind (or having faith), the what if's become apparent like white chalk on a black board."
White chalk on a blackboard (one word) is a pretty stark description, and for me at least it is not as apparent as white chalk on a blackboard what "what if's" are apparent. In fact it is not apparent in anyway at all. Maybe these "what if's" are obvious to the writer because he/she has information I do not have, but out of an infinite pool of possible what if's I have no clue which one's have supposedly become apparent. It is an honor the writer considers me so bright as to be able to divine which "what if's" the writer is talking about, but in this case anyway, that faith is sadly misplaced. The again, I have no idea how shem got Hamlet out of this. All I got is half of a Baptist sermon; the left side.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
As shem mentioned. "Its" is the possessive form of "it", "it's" is the contraction "it is". There are a lot of errors that one can get by with, with only a mild rebuke...more or less, this is not one of them, especially as you poem is expected to have already been edited for these types of errors. There are certain errors that writers should always check for, always. Your-You're, To-Too-Two, along with Its-It's seem to be the ones most often committed. Oh, yes, before I forget. This idea that the first letter of every line should be capitalized went out in the 1950's when they discovered that only capitalizing the start of a sentence made the reading much easier. They did not however quit using periods to signify the end of a sentence. Poetry should follow grammatical and typographical rules just the same as prose unless there is a very strong rationale to do otherwise. "Because it looks more like poetry", is not sufficient.
Personally I think the idea of "worn feet" is silly. Feet cannot be put on and worn, they cannot acquire ware, and therefor cannot become worn. There are many things that feet can become, worn is not one of them. They can become broken, or broken down, calloused, raw, hurt, bent, bruised, and so on, but worn? It doesn't work for me. Maybe it will work for others.
I was going to let it go at that but I feel compelled to comment on these two lines:
"The what if's become apparent,
like white chalk on a black board"
As "what if" is hypothetical, it is, practically speaking, infinite. It is nearly impossible to see how to parse this out, but let us assume that the phrase "after one failed attempt" is suppose to be included in this, which of course is by no means apparent. So it would read.
"...after one failed attempt the what if's become apparent like white chalk on a black board."
The next question that becomes apparent is "failed attempt" at what? Unfortunately the answer is less than helpful.
The answer appears to be "Walking blind". So put all together lets see what we have.
"...after one failed attempt at walking blind (or having faith), the what if's become apparent like white chalk on a black board."
White chalk on a blackboard (one word) is a pretty stark description, and for me at least it is not as apparent as white chalk on a blackboard what "what if's" are apparent. In fact it is not apparent in anyway at all. Maybe these "what if's" are obvious to the writer because he/she has information I do not have, but out of an infinite pool of possible what if's I have no clue which one's have supposedly become apparent. It is an honor the writer considers me so bright as to be able to divine which "what if's" the writer is talking about, but in this case anyway, that faith is sadly misplaced. The again, I have no idea how shem got Hamlet out of this. All I got is half of a Baptist sermon; the left side.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.