The Artiste (inspired by 71)

[Erthona]

Thanks Eluoh,
Thanks for giving it a read. I woke up in the middle of the night, and it demanded to be written, so I did and went back to sleep. where you comment that the sentence may be missing a subject, I was afraid that might occur. The word "all" was intended to be the subject referring to all of the objects that had just been mentioned. I was trying to avoid a statement such as "all of this" or all of these things", as it just sounded clunky, but I was worried that just "All" would be unclear although I have certainly heard it used in common usage, something like (the detestable), "are you coming with", which of course drops the pronoun.
At what part do you think it gets preachy? I'm thinking of cutting the last 8 lines, and re-writing the last two before that. Something like

"dabbing the canvas until it begins
to take on the appearance of
impressionism.

or

"dabbing at the canvas until it becomes
more impressionable."

I think I like the second one best.


Both still do what I want them to do, but more subtly. 

What do you think?

dale