Andrew Square

[71degrees]

I see a young woman
in the glass reflection
of the Andrew Square Metro; (Going to point out now that the semicolons are being used without need, especially when some of the sentences can end as sentences, and there isn't much relation to the next sentence you want to tie them to.)
her face is the sexual face
I’ve always desired; (It has a boldness to it, and I like that.)
her hands hold rosary beads
like soft blue bird eggs; (These last two lines are great.)
she might be remembering
what she responded ("what" isn't working for me here.  Try "how she responded"?)
last evening when he asked her
how lucky he was
to have her share his bed; ("share" is weak.  "in" would even be stronger, and so would other word choices like "occupy" etc.  This sentence can end, and the semicolon is not needed.)
she told him according to mother, (Adding "that" between "him" and "according" creates a better flow between the words.  It's hard to tell when commas are needed in a lot of cases, and personally speaking, a comma is not needed here.  The line is just fine to transition into the next without punctuation, otherwise the comma gives an awkward pause.)
angels are always watching
but sometimes it doesn’t hurt
to pray anyway.  (I like this closer.  I had a problem with it at first, but after re-reading it a few times, and fully trying to grasp everything, it has become favorable.)

The major thing that got in my way was the awkward punctuation.  Aside from that I really liked this piece.  

Thank you. Your insight is helpful. As to the "awkwardness" of the punctuation…imagine "...,and" instead of each semi-colon. Reason: in a poem this short ALL thoughts are related. The poem consists of six (or seven…depends if the last comma is even needed, but b/c there are three clauses within, I put a comma there) independent clauses. You are correct, they "could" end w/periods, but the short, choppiness of the thoughts led me to put semicolons between. Forget the grammar end of it and picture a man looking at a young woman and the first man imagining what she did last night with a different man. All these thoughts are going through the narrator's head. People don't think in complete sentences. They don't think in semicolons, either, so I may be better off writing this in drift with no punctuation at all. I did do this originally, and it was even more confusing. At least to me. Periods do work, but it loses something in the offering with this approach.

Thanks for your thoughts. I will think strongly about the "bed sharing" image. I can only assume if she shared his bed, she would be "in" the bed, but still, your wanting of the image to be stronger is legitimate. I want to stay away from a male domination type of sexual situation. The woman enjoyed the tryst just as much as the man did…just as much as the narrator imagines she would if she were with him, but as she infers, she is praying…just in case.