Love(Explicit)

[azure]

I gave my love roses today cliche. you could cut 'my love' and just use "her".
As a symbol of my love you are just telling me something. try to show what you did.

Because that's what she expects don't understand why this is broken up into a new strophe?
From every Christmas, birthday, girly magazine, random capping of the first words in each line isn't appropriate.
And time she heard "I put a roof over your head!" this line has some grammatical errors.

Hugs and words mean nothing
Since they have no value or use I suggest rewriting this line. it is bland and redundant.

And when we got home she sucked my dick cut 'And'.
Because that's what she owes me don't like the repetition of 'Because'
Because I showed her I loved her I suggest cutting this line and just use the last line here instead.

Is there anything wrong with that? Lol, yes yes, funny.

Yes this piece was pretty funny... Yet the end humor was stifled by grammatical errors and redundant language use. Also, apply yourself to show, not tell in your writing and you could go a long way. Thanks for the laugh.

Azure