A Crow Reincarnated edit 0.000001 billy

[Brownlie]

Look to the crow, hung spiked on the wire, wind torn and tied. -- I might write "at" instead of "to."
Dead by the lead that flew to his calls,
blooding black feather, searing inside;
watch as he falls.

Look to the body that swings from the tree, hollow and dried. --- Seems to be about a lynching victim, or another hung person, whose been hanging awhile.
Death dealt by demons, holy men all, -Demon might run the risk of weighing the poem down with suggestions about morality. "dealt" could also be a better word and "death" may be represented in a more concrete way.
whose merciless gods walk by their side. -- Same goes for merciless that applied to demons, but I feel it is less laden than demons, that could be an idiosyncrasy though.
Face to the wall. --- Seems to be a reference to the wailing wall.


Look to the crow that died without cause, as others will, too. -- Again, maybe "at" instead of "to"
Croak into blackness, silence the dawn,
keep secret beliefs; next it is you
to be reborn. -- I actually kind of like that this line doesn't rhyme. The salience level goes up, so to speak.


tectak
2014

I feel this poem could be made better by adding a sort of matter-of-factness to it. Interesting choice for the scheme though. Thanks for posting.