THANKSGIVING POEM

[Magpie]

By the end of the first stanza I had read 'Even once' so many times that I thought perhaps even once was once too many times to use 'Even once'. The many many repetitions here don't appear to add anything to the poem and therefore don't justify their inclusion. There is a lot that could be cut from it that would make it read more fluently without losing any of your original intention.

Even once the leaves have turned,
Even once the leaves have fallen,
Even once the sky's grown pale,
Even once the air is chilled,
Even once the days are short,
Even once the birds have flown---

I will find the beauty in the branches.

Could possibly be written as

When leaves have fallen
and birds have flown the pale skies
of shorter chilled days.

I will find beauty in branches

and it still includes all the ideas that you wanted to include but without all the extra baggage that was repetition.

Hope this is of some help, even if it doesn't seem very 'thanksgiving' in spirit, but hey I'm British.

All the best,

Mark