11-25-2014, 01:16 PM
Hi Wjames,
I like the simplicity of this poem and the similarity it conveys between the bears and people when humans are brought to the primal level by loss of electricity. I agree with makeshift about being slightly confused by the "mass of flesh". Does this mean that there is more than one person, or someone curled up by the fire, maybe the dog is sitting with them? If it was your intention for this to be ambiguous, it was fine and doesn't take much away from the poem as a whole, just something to consider. I also questioned the word choice "cuddle" to describe the bears. Maybe it's just me but I have a hard time picturing bears cuddling. Might want to consider a different word choice here but that may have a meaning that I am overlooking. If so I apologize. Thank you for a great read
I like the simplicity of this poem and the similarity it conveys between the bears and people when humans are brought to the primal level by loss of electricity. I agree with makeshift about being slightly confused by the "mass of flesh". Does this mean that there is more than one person, or someone curled up by the fire, maybe the dog is sitting with them? If it was your intention for this to be ambiguous, it was fine and doesn't take much away from the poem as a whole, just something to consider. I also questioned the word choice "cuddle" to describe the bears. Maybe it's just me but I have a hard time picturing bears cuddling. Might want to consider a different word choice here but that may have a meaning that I am overlooking. If so I apologize. Thank you for a great read