11-25-2014, 11:46 AM
Essuie,
Ah yes. From a purely personal perspective, I have to disagree with your thesis, as you dismiss menial tasks as "clearly worthless". Where would we be if no one picked up and disposed of the garbage? Grew and cultivated food, or transported food to market? Made the clothes you are living in right now. I can nearly guarantee you, that if not for someone doing a menial job, you would be naked and so on. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think it is a bad idea to rest your thesis on an obviously flawed premiss. On the whole this seems less poetic, as it uses few poetic tropes outside of anthropomorphizing the universe, and more as an exhortation in terms of speechifying. There can certainly be common ground between the two but seems closer to the rhetoric side. In terms of style and ease of reading, the idea of capping the first letter of every line was put to bed in the 1950's. It certainly makes a poem easier to read, as would using correct punctuation. Unless there is an extremely compelling rationale for deviating from it, poetry should follow the same principle of grammar, punctuation,and typology that any writing would.
On the positive side I see there are no spelling errors, and you generally write with clarity. Stylistically it reminds me of stuff I was writing when I first started college, sitting in the pizza parlor, writing, drinking Sangria, and chain smoking cigarets. Meaning it was slightly over the top, drama-wise
Welcome to the site,
Almost forgot, this site is based on give and take, which means the expectation is that you give more critiques than you take, the mods are pretty quick to jump on you if you just post poems. A kind of minimal ratio is something like 3:1. For every 3 critiques you can post one poem. That is the general idea for most people who have been on this site for awhile, plus if you don't meet you critique requirements they will remove your poems.
Dale
Ah yes. From a purely personal perspective, I have to disagree with your thesis, as you dismiss menial tasks as "clearly worthless". Where would we be if no one picked up and disposed of the garbage? Grew and cultivated food, or transported food to market? Made the clothes you are living in right now. I can nearly guarantee you, that if not for someone doing a menial job, you would be naked and so on. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think it is a bad idea to rest your thesis on an obviously flawed premiss. On the whole this seems less poetic, as it uses few poetic tropes outside of anthropomorphizing the universe, and more as an exhortation in terms of speechifying. There can certainly be common ground between the two but seems closer to the rhetoric side. In terms of style and ease of reading, the idea of capping the first letter of every line was put to bed in the 1950's. It certainly makes a poem easier to read, as would using correct punctuation. Unless there is an extremely compelling rationale for deviating from it, poetry should follow the same principle of grammar, punctuation,and typology that any writing would.
On the positive side I see there are no spelling errors, and you generally write with clarity. Stylistically it reminds me of stuff I was writing when I first started college, sitting in the pizza parlor, writing, drinking Sangria, and chain smoking cigarets. Meaning it was slightly over the top, drama-wise
Welcome to the site,
Almost forgot, this site is based on give and take, which means the expectation is that you give more critiques than you take, the mods are pretty quick to jump on you if you just post poems. A kind of minimal ratio is something like 3:1. For every 3 critiques you can post one poem. That is the general idea for most people who have been on this site for awhile, plus if you don't meet you critique requirements they will remove your poems.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.