sanctuary

[cjchaffin]

sanctuary
Candles flicker
with begged forgiveness,

each tender wick
a glowing reminder,

each drop of wax
a tear sliding down
the father's cheek.

Having lit them all,
I wait for him to come.

This poem's imagery produced movie clips in my mind that could be played at an art exhibit. Can I make a video set to this piece? I have issues with the use of the word 'flicker' in L1. In my humble opinion, I think the word "quiver" would best enhance the emotional movement of the poem. Also maybe replacing the word 'tender' in L3 with synonyms like "feeble", "frail", or possibly even "supple", could add textural depth to the imagery. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this touching work. Thank you for the read!

Azure

thanks azure. i had thought of replacing "flicker" as well but have yet to find a suitable substitute. shall think more on that...