11-24-2014, 03:44 PM
mother
we measured every element
down to your iron core we scanned
but who you are is long forgotten
secret gardens reaped and rotten.
your name´s denied and undermined
by invented gods and false commands,
our warrant to despoil your limbs.
the answer that you give is grim.
we´re self-aware but cancerous sprouts,
germs ovlivious to our ground.
we ache cause we do
share your wounds.
I really like the first part as previous comments state. I think the edited version is improved but I don't like the word invented. maybe replace with crafted or something that flows a little better?
we measured every element
down to your iron core we scanned
but who you are is long forgotten
secret gardens reaped and rotten.
your name´s denied and undermined
by invented gods and false commands,
our warrant to despoil your limbs.
the answer that you give is grim.
we´re self-aware but cancerous sprouts,
germs ovlivious to our ground.
we ache cause we do
share your wounds.
I really like the first part as previous comments state. I think the edited version is improved but I don't like the word invented. maybe replace with crafted or something that flows a little better?