Blind Desire:

[jonatron5]

I could be a bit biased myself. But the first thing that struck me. While you have good word choice in my opinion it doesnt flow. Like you try to put too many syllables in each stanza. If thats your poetic style then thats fine with me im just used to more of an iambic parameter.as such.

"I did this, and that"
But save the other
not, for my time well spent"

It means absolutley nothing but it flows well.