11-19-2014, 07:09 PM
a suggestion would be to start the Ecclesiastes line with Ecclesiastes as ellajam suggested her choice of wisely also holds merit.
for me the troublesome verse was
Where are these demons who nimbly prance
in danse macabre with quill and lance?
Dear God, dear God, they're coming nearer!
There! There! In the mirror!
the meter feels off and the 3rd line needs some practice in order to make it sound right as does the last line.
in general the meter throughout the poem could be reviewed in order to better lay it out.
i thought content was strong enough to hold the reader while the biblical references weren't to heavy.
for me the troublesome verse was
Where are these demons who nimbly prance
in danse macabre with quill and lance?
Dear God, dear God, they're coming nearer!
There! There! In the mirror!
the meter feels off and the 3rd line needs some practice in order to make it sound right as does the last line.
in general the meter throughout the poem could be reviewed in order to better lay it out.
i thought content was strong enough to hold the reader while the biblical references weren't to heavy.