Demons dance in a blood-red sky

[Pious Baloney]

I found this to be a very well written and spoken poem with one exception which has already been pointed out...the Ecclesiastes reference. Perhaps you could consider removing the name altogether. In this information age of ours...a quick-and-dirty google search can assist the inquiring reader wanting more historical background of the said phrase. I believe you could do this and still deliver your powerful piece.

'Now I understand when it's said',
'Pity the living, not the dead.'