Night and Day

[azure]

You are the day.
I am the night.
You are the light.
I am the dark.
But in your sights all flames are dull,
and embers embrace a stiller soul.
You shine so bright it's hard to bare,
so I offer you my cloak to wear.
For my embrace on either side,
gives mortal eyes a place to hide.
The fairest face has power more
than earthly creatures can endure.
And what a pity it would find
to, by your brilliance, turn them blind.
The world of light can now be shown,
because my shadow has been thrown.
You are the day.
I am the night.
And by my darkness, 
light is known.

I enjoyed your passionate response to others critiques pointing out the cliches in your poem. I do understand trying to implement language that has a more universal appeal. It just seems as though you had become rather rigid and defensive while addressing their constructive criticism. In my opinion, why post in a workshop setting if you don't intend to use other people's suggestions to hone your craft? Anyway on to the poem itself...

I have issues with the way the poem is formatted. I find it rather unattractive and it distracts me from delving deeper. Maybe you can break up the poem into separate stanzas? You decide. I enjoyed the evolution of the opening lines (L1 through L4)  into the closing. Simple, a nice spiritual insight. Although, unfortunately the four open lines seriously are cliched... As a pseudo-intellectual they make me lose faith in the rest of the poem.