11-15-2014, 08:14 PM
As others have mentioned already...do give some consideration to the age of the reader and tailor it if you deem it necessary. Perhaps you already have done so though. Regardless I think you have something reasonably well written here. A few considerations/tweaks for your consideration below.
Teddy Bear Knight
The nightlight making a bubble of light <--- Perhaps re-write to avoid the double use of 'light'.
Keeping away things that bump in the night
An ethereal cloak holding you tight
To help fight off the creature’s might. <--- Consider another word for fight (ie. ward off) to avoid repetition of rhyming within the same verse.
In the world of dreams monsters hunt and roam
Looking for a child’s mind to call home. <--- Consider something other than child since you will use it again so quickly in the next line. Perhaps 'little one's' or 'lad's'.
Through the child’s fears and frights they will comb.
Not realizing no kid goes it alone.
For by their side a champion will stand
Wielding a sword forged by might in their hand.
With blue glass eyes, fur the color of sand
Ancient leather armor aged so tan.
A Teddy Bear Knight to defend his home
His shield holds off the monsters mighty blow
Sending a message all monsters should know
That no kid will ever go it alone.
Teddy Bear Knight
The nightlight making a bubble of light <--- Perhaps re-write to avoid the double use of 'light'.
Keeping away things that bump in the night
An ethereal cloak holding you tight
To help fight off the creature’s might. <--- Consider another word for fight (ie. ward off) to avoid repetition of rhyming within the same verse.
In the world of dreams monsters hunt and roam
Looking for a child’s mind to call home. <--- Consider something other than child since you will use it again so quickly in the next line. Perhaps 'little one's' or 'lad's'.
Through the child’s fears and frights they will comb.
Not realizing no kid goes it alone.
For by their side a champion will stand
Wielding a sword forged by might in their hand.
With blue glass eyes, fur the color of sand
Ancient leather armor aged so tan.
A Teddy Bear Knight to defend his home
His shield holds off the monsters mighty blow
Sending a message all monsters should know
That no kid will ever go it alone.