11-14-2014, 04:11 AM
I'm going to just comment overall and not do a total line by line. (rhyming poetry isn't my thing, but I may help a little)
The first issue I have is with the random capitalization. Some lines are lower case, other words capitalized and if there is a certain significance behind it, it is lost on me.
There is a cleverness between S3 & S4. Overall, though, I don't really know what POV this is coming from...the spider? Or someone watching it? The first stanza seems from her POV, the rest is a 3rd or 2nd person and that's confusing.
I hope I have helped in some way.\
mel.
The first issue I have is with the random capitalization. Some lines are lower case, other words capitalized and if there is a certain significance behind it, it is lost on me.
There is a cleverness between S3 & S4. Overall, though, I don't really know what POV this is coming from...the spider? Or someone watching it? The first stanza seems from her POV, the rest is a 3rd or 2nd person and that's confusing.
I hope I have helped in some way.\
mel.