Star-Crossed Lovers

[azure]

His lips upon mine,
Like a hot summer night,
Making love
In the pale moonlight,
His eyes staring into mine,
As the stars shine bright
Reflecting in our eyes,
He had asked for one last dance
Before the night came to an end,
Ending up
In the truck bed,
With kisses sending sparks
Flashing across our little sky,
Making two star crossed lovers
Falling in love
In the dead of the night...

Modern Romeo and Juliet

-CM-

It needs work so any advice would be awesome!

Okay this poem was too cliched for my taste. How eager we are to express experiences of love using language and imagery that has been mutilated to death in a myriad of ways...

For example:


He had asked for one last dance
Before the night came to an end,
Ending up
In the truck bed

These lines need to be redone, so please do not take offense when I say that writing like that will leave many harsh readers quick to judge you and spew venom.. One thing I suggest to novice poets is to read published poetry! Just all kinds, spaning a wide variety of subjects and styles. The classics that are more love driven are fun to draw inspiration from. Like Shakespeare's Sonnets... or say Pablo Neruda. Either way, the more exposure to poetry you get, the more developed your understanding of what is cliche, and what isn't becomes . Keep writing.