Anxiety (mwaba don)

[azure]

Blood throbbing over the foreheads temples,
like fluctuating electric current
causing irritating flickering light,
nerving palpitations frightfully arise.

Sparing no effort to Stay focused,
like magnolia trees swayed by strong
winds blossom in late winter signaling spring,
through my abilities my fears are climbed.

Holding on to self for the calmness to befall,
like a net cast in deep waters laying in wait for
the swimming fishes, tapping my feet on patience
and my deed’s cast in faith till the wait pays off.

Anxious moment after anxious moment
cleansing my fears and growing in confidence.

To expand upon my critique, making it appropriate for the workshop, I'll point out some things I think didn't work at all.

I had the most trouble with the second stanza.

Sparing no effort to Stay focused,  
like magnolia trees swayed by strong
winds blossom in late winter signaling spring,
through my abilities my fears are climbed.

Okay the action of 'sparing no effort to stay focused', when compared to 'magnolia trees swayed by strong winds' is too diluted and obscure in context to the assumed meaning of this poem (an expression of the author's anxiety). Also, a tree being swayed by strong winds in my opinion, has no sound relationship to staying focused.


I Assume you meant to write:

like magnolia trees swayed by strong winds
blossoming in late winter, signalling Spring.


The way this piece is structured for me implies lack of experience. It sounded as if you tried really hard to imitate other poets, rather than effectively refining your own true poetic voice and fully utilizing your own understanding of language. Take it from someone who has done this,
don't write to please an audience. Develop originality. Strive to stay true to your own experience.

My advice? write as much as you can, and read often. Taste the wines of refined writing. Stuff you relate to of course. Keep at it and don't give up.